That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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