Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
