Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
