please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
