I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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