honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
