Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
