sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
