I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
