Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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