how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
