WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize