so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
