Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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