cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
