The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
