I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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