Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
