she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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