Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it hurts more in the daytime
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize