Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
