I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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