I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
