He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
