we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
