About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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