After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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