You're so nebulous sometimes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
