you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
cat food counts as protein by the way
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
