I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
