DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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