rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
