It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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