it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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