I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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