im about as happy as oj after his trial
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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