After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
