if you like me you must not know who I am
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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