we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
