oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
