My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
