youre lurking in front of me
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
