pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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