I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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