bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
