People with herpes should wear stickers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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