I faked an abortion last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
