Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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