come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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