I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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