need another drink. this is the easiest way
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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