The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sober January is a disaster.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize