ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
