weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
