It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
