I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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