if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
