I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
