i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Houston, we have a blender
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
