hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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