i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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