Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
