grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She announced her abortion via fbk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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