Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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