I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
