I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
