..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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