sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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