we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
