The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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