you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize