Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize