I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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