p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
