Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
