Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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