his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
