If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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