I hope mine doesn't look like that
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize