anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize