textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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