Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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