Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize