I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
