when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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