I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
