well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
