Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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