If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh god it's open bar.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
