Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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