Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
