ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize