im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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