we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
