I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
