Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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