Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
