So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
