waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
