Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
