I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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