Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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