I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
