I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
