Just fell off a train. Bad.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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